May 082012

MADISON, Wis. – With today’s Democratic gubernatorial primary, campaigning is in full swing in Wisconsin for an election to recall the state’s current Republican governor, Scott Walker. “Governor Walker has betrayed the people of Wisconsin,” said Doug LaFollette, a Democrat running for the chance to oppose Walker in the recall election. “He violated Wisconsin’s open-meeting laws to strip the state’s workers of their collective-bargaining rights at the behest of his biggest campaign contributors, the billionaire Koch brothers.

“That’s actually all I’ve got right now. But it’s pretty good stuff, though, right? Booya!”

Last year Wisconsin made national headlines for weeks as thousands of people filled the state’s capital building to protest Walker’s policies on state workers. “He cut benefits to working people who keep this state running, while simultaneously cutting taxes for the rich,” said Kathleen Falk, another primary candidate. “The workers voluntarily capitulated on the financial demands, but Walker took the extra, strictly punitive, step of stripping them of their collective-bargaining rights. It was a heinous betrayal of the public trust, all done on orders from the billionaire Koch brothers.

“Wait, LaFollette already said that part about the Koch brothers, didn’t he? Well, it’s true. Walker is a total douche. LaFollette didn’t say that, did he?”

Such claims have become the stuff of elections all over the U.S. This time, however, the claims are backed up by a recording of the Republican Governor Walker admitting to acting on directions from the Koch brothers in order to break workers’ unions, because the unions are big contributors to Democratic candidates. “You would think that having such irrefutable evidence would make ousting Walker a slam-dunk,” said Mike Tate, chairman of the Democratic Party of Wisconsin. “But don’t forget: We’re Democrats. We could still screw this up.”

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