Apr 052013

North Carolina religion

RALEIGH, North Carolina — Republican North Carolina state legislators have proposed establishing an official state religion in a measure that would declare the state exempt from the U.S. Constitution and court rulings. “Oh, don’t look so surprised,” said Governor Pat McCrory. “You knew this was coming. We’re going to be the first state to officially adopt Jesus’ message of loving and accepting all people so we can be the first state to officially kick out the Muslims.

“And the Jews, too. What the hell is up with those people?”

The bill, backed by eleven Republicans, states that the Establishment Clause in the First Amendment—which prohibits Congress from passing laws about the establishment of religion or prohibiting the free exercise of religion in America—simply does not apply to the states. “North Carolina lawmakers have a solid point there,” said U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts. “This law will pass with the full approval and sanction of the U.S. judicial system and the American people.

“Sorry, I blanked out on you there. What were we talking about?

“Oh yeah, North Carolina Republicans. In addition to being bigots, apparently they can’t read, either. The Supreme Court ruled in Lemon v. Kurtzman that the Establishment Clause only pertains to laws or policies with nonreligious purposes, that neither advance nor inhibit religion, and do not result in an ‘excessive entanglement’ of government and religion. So, strikes one, two and three for North Carolina legislators. Their proposed law violates the very clause of the First Amendment they use to justify it.

“Still, it’s North Carolina. They’ll probably get it passed. Then it gets kicked up to us (the Supreme Court) and we have to take a day out of our schedule explaining how establishing a state religion is flagrantly unconstitutional and goes against the very idea of free society.

“This is why we never get anything done.”

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