Oct 302012
Sandy slams East Coast, Romney vows to put hurricanes “on notice”

PARK CITY, Utah – As Hurricane Sandy made landfall along the Eastern Seaboard late yesterday, Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney issued a warning to meteorological phenomena. “This assault on America will not be tolerated when I am president,” Romney told supporters at a rally in Utah. “As commander in chief I will instruct our military forces around the globe to have strong words for weather events that threaten this great nation.” Romney insiders say they [click here for full story]

Oct 292012
Republican congressman on slavery: “You’re welcome, black people!”

LITTLE ROCK, Ark.– Arkansas State Representative Jon Hubbard has posted an article on his Web site, jonhubbard4arkansas.com, that celebrates the diversity that is the American melting pot. “In the formative years of this great country, there were many immigrants who made their way to this wonderful land, and many of them would soon realize their dreams, and many of their sorrows here,” Hubbard writes. “But the prevailing feelings of that time allowed very few members [click here for full story]

Oct 262012

CHICAGO, Ill. – United States Court of Appeals Judge Richard Posner, a conservative stalwart, says he has become disillusioned with the GOP over the last 10 years. “I’ve become less conservative since the Republican Party started becoming goofy,” he said in an NPR interview. “One Michele Bachmann I could handle. I could handle one Herman Cain, one Rick Santorum, and even one Sarah Palin. I think I could also handle one Newt Gingrich. That’s really [click here for full story]

Oct 242012

PARK CITY, Utah – Since naming Paul Ryan as his running mate, Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney has been trying to show Americans that he and Ryan have identical beliefs. Many in the media have been quick to point out their limited success in doing so, as both men continue to retract and revise their stances on issues. One issue in particular that has been causing some trouble for the candidates is abortion. Ryan has [click here for full story]

Oct 182012
Romney goes viral, learns what the Internet is

  NASSAU COUNTY, N.Y. – The blogosphere was treated to another explosion of commentary, disdain and disbelief after Mitt Romney’s now-famous “binders full of women” comment from Tuesday night’s debate. Before the debate was even over, his comment had spawned two Twitter handles and a Facebook page that had over 250,000 “likes” in just 12 hours. Perhaps the most significant cyberspace manifestation of Romney’s remark is the website, bindersfullofwomen.com. “That domain name was snapped up [click here for full story]

Oct 162012
Paul Ryan cleans up — sort of

YOUNGSTOWN, Ohio – Republican vice presidential candidate Paul Ryan showed his community concern on Saturday by helping out in a soup kitchen. As photos of him hard at work cleaning dishes quickly made their way around the country, those close to the situation pointed out that the meal had already been served before Ryan got there, and the dishes he was “washing” had already been cleaned. “He did nothing,” said Brian J. Antag, president of [click here for full story]

Oct 112012
Romney demonstrates knowledge of Europe's debt crisis—by creating it

PARK CITY, Utah – In an attempt to show his deep understanding of Europe’s financial woes, Mitt Romney’s campaign has released a story about his time with Bain Capital. At Romney’s direction, Bain bought an Italian telephone-directory company, sold it at the height of the Internet bubble for 25 times what it had been worth, then used offshore subsidiary companies to shuttle the profits through Luxembourg to avoid paying taxes in Italy. “You can see [click here for full story]

Oct 092012

COLUMBUS, Ohio – Mayoral candidate Sandra Foster has run a television ad that slights the policies and integrity of her opponent, incumbent Michael Coleman. “It’s time to get tough,” Foster said. “I want voters to be asking themselves, ‘Who is Michael Coleman really? Is he the founder of the Capital Kids network of after-school programs dedicated to improving the quality of life for children in the Columbus area, or is he an America-hating Arab or [click here for full story]

Oct 042012
After 16 months of campaigning, Romney answers his first policy question

DENVER, Colo.– Last night’s presidential debate brought Americans a real surprise: Republican candidate Mitt Romney answering a question on potential legislation. “I was the moderator for the debate, and it even shocked me,” said Jim Lehrer, host of PBS NewsHour. “I mean, he didn’t answer the question the first time I asked it. He just went on about how much he loves America and what not, but I nailed him down on an answer after [click here for full story]

Oct 032012
God takes Texas Statehouse in bloodless coup

ARLINGTON, Tex. – In a startling realization of Republican prophesy, God the Father, Maker of Heaven and Earth, has overthrown the Texas government. “He has taken control of all government policies and functions,” said deposed governor Rick Perry in a statement on the capital steps. “I humbly admit I was unable to perform any of the duties of my office. I think it’s time for us to use our wisdom and our influence and really [click here for full story]

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