Jan 302012
Romney and NBC in shark fight; Gingrich remains douche-bag

NEW YORK, N.Y. – Executives at NBC News are asking Mitt Romney’s campaign staff to stop running an attack ad against Newt Gingrich, which shows Tom Brokaw in a newscast discussing Gingrich’s ethics violations in 1997 when Gingrich was speaker of the House. “The NBC Legal Department has written a letter to the campaign asking for the removal of all NBC News material from their campaign ads,” said Lauren Kapp, a senior vice president in [click here for full story]

Jan 292012

NEW YORK, N.Y. – While Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich’s recent surge in popularity has stunned many, and even frightened many in his own party, his rise is no mystery to one man. Dr. Keith Ablow, psychiatrist and Fox News contributor, says Gingrich’s voter appeal comes from his sex appeal. In an article published this week, Ablow wrote that: “Three women have met Mr. Gingrich and been so moved by his emotional energy and intellect [click here for full story]

Jan 262012

BENTONVILLE, Ark. – Wal-Mart has recently announced plans to begin purchasing more food items from local growers to sell in its stores. A statement from a press release says that “Offering locally grown produce means Wal-Mart can not only provide higher quality, lowered (sic) priced fruits and vegetables, but also support farmers in the local economy and reduce the environmental impact of transporting food. “So quit bitching. We already give you six pairs of tube [click here for full story]

Jan 232012

NEW YORK, N.Y. – For the last decade Paula Deen has been a TV-cooking-show powerhouse, famous for her fatty, sweet and salty dishes. On Tuesday, she revealed that she has Type 2 diabetes. “My doctor has assured me there is no connection between a daily diet of my deep-fried mayonnaise balls and diabetes,” she said in an interview on the Today show. “He has given me great insight regarding the treatment of this disease. I [click here for full story]

Jan 192012

UPDATE: Shortly after this story was published, Rick Perry’s campaign manager contacted the People’s News Source offices to tell us Perry was dropping out of the campaign. He said that this story put everything into perspective, and that Perry would haunt the nation’s dreams no more. Still, he will be missed. CHARLESTON, S.C. – Republican presidential candidate Rick Perry has adopted a new strategy for his run at the South Carolina primary: He has begun [click here for full story]

Jan 132012

NEW YORK, N.Y. – Americans were stunned this week to learn that North Korea’s longtime dictator Kim Jong Il died nearly a month ago. “Well, what do you know about that,” said NBC News’ managing editor Brian Williams. “Every once in a while some overseas editor would say we should do a story on Il, but going into the holidays everyone was gearing up for the first Republican caucus and we just lost track. Now [click here for full story]

Jan 122012
Marcus Bachmann develops vaccine for “the gay”

This is the second story we’re rolling out in the wake of Michele Bachmann’s unexpected withdrawal from the presidential race.  We paid our writers for this months ago, so by God we’re going publish it. LAKE ELMO, Minn. – After years of controversy, Marcus Bachmann, founder of the lifestyle-counseling centers Bachmann & Associates, believes his life’s work has been vindicated. “I have developed a vaccine for the gay,” he announced at a press conference Wednesday. [click here for full story]

Jan 092012
Search for significance continues during New Hampshire primary

CONCORD, N.H. – While media outlets across the country are still struggling to attach meaning to last week’s Iowa primary, some organizations are unprepared for tomorrow’s New Hampshire primary. “We’ve been broadcasting reports about last week’s Iowa caucus for 20 to 21 hours a day, trying to convince people there is something of substance in the results,” said CNN anchor Wolf Blitzer. “But it’s hopeless. About 41 percent of those who voted were undecided, so [click here for full story]

Jan 072012

Michele Bachmann’s announcement that she has dropped out of the presidential race has stunned not just us at People’s News Source, but an entire nation. In order to show America what a terrible mistake it is making in not backing this fine woman’s presidential chances, we are giving you the story below which was written last summer but never published. It is meant to give citizens a taste of the fine leadership qualities Ms. Bachmann [click here for full story]

Jan 032012

DES MOINES, Iowa – With six months of heavy campaigning already under their belts, Republican presidential hopefuls are getting their first real test in the Iowa caucus. “This is the beauty of democracy,” said Republican National Committee Chair Reince Priebus. “A half year of waffling, back-stabbing, lies and baiting have culminated in this caucus, which puts an incomprehensibly perverse emphasis on a small number of voters in a single state. It’s a beautiful system.” Going [click here for full story]

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