Dec 232011
Fox News ratings slip during war on “War on Christmas”

NEW YORK, N.Y. – In what has become an annual tradition, Fox News Channel has again this year devoted a majority of its post-Thanksgiving programming to protesting the use of the phrase “happy holidays.” Leading the charge is Fox News stalwart Bill O’Reilly, who said the phrase “is the single biggest threat to democracy and the American way since women got the vote. Good God, what’s next?” Fox’s morning show Fox & Friends has been [click here for full story]

Dec 192011

WASHINGTON, D.C. – On the heels of a program in which the Federal Reserve loaned $7.7 trillion to U.S. banks, the agency is planning a similar program with investment firms on Wall Street. “In an operation we kept secret from Congress, we loaned banks an inconceivable sum of money at an interest rate of 0.01 percent,” explained Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke. “They used the funds we loaned them to buy U.S. securities from us, [click here for full story]

Dec 182011
Fox News runs smear campaign, gets egg on its face

NEW YORK, N.Y. – In a report this week on polling for the Republican presidential nomination, Fox News displayed a picture of President Obama where a picture of Mitt Romney should have been. Many campaign followers were quick say the move was deliberate, since many conservative organizations like Fox are trying to distance themselves from Romney by comparing his legislative record to Obama’s. Fox executives did not deny deliberately inserting an erroneous picture, but said [click here for full story]

Dec 172011
Romney: Gingrich not just zany, he’s a loony

DES MOINES, Iowa – In an attempt to fend off Newt Gingrich’s rise in the polls, Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney has begun questioning his opponent’s legitimacy as a candidate. “Zany is not what we need in a president,” Romney said, referring to Gingrich. “Zany is great in a campaign. It’s great on talk radio. It’s great in print, it makes for fun reading. And it’s great on TV; if you’re foreigners, like the English. [click here for full story]

Dec 152011
Michele no flash in the pan: Bachmann campaign acquires graphics technology

DES MOINES, Iowa– Michele Bachmann’s sagging hopes for the Republican nomination for president received an unexpected boost after the December 10 debate. A staffer for Newt Gingrich stopped to congratulate Bachmann after the debate, and as he reached out to shake hands with her, Bachmann noticed something. “When he pulled his hand out of his pocket, I saw something fall from his pocket onto the floor,” Bachmann said. “I was going to tell him about [click here for full story]

Dec 142011

MANCHESTER, N.H. – Mitt Romney has nearly taken a stand on an issue. At a campaign stop here this week, Romney told Vietnam veteran Bob Garon, who is gay, “I’m in favor of traditional marriage. I oppose same-sex marriage. At the same time, I don’t believe in discriminating in employment or opportunity for gay individuals. So I favor gay rights; I do not favor same-sex marriage. That has been my position all along. “There, how [click here for full story]

Dec 132011

MOSCOW, Russia – As unrest over voting-fraud allegations continues to escalate in Russia after the December 4 parliamentary elections, Russian President Dmitry Medvedev announced on his Facebook page that he is launching an investigation into the allegations. “He did that on his Facebook page? Really; Facebook?” said former Alaska governor Sarah Palin. “What kind of backwards-ass country has a president that announces an investigation into a nationwide voter-fraud scandal on Facebook of all places? My [click here for full story]

Dec 122011

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Republican presidential front-runner Newt Gingrinch has drawn fire recently for his comments about putting children from financially disadvantaged families to work. “Really poor children in really poor neighborhoods have no habits of working and have nobody around them who works,” he said at a campaign event at the Nationwide Insurance offices. “That’s true of all really poor children everywhere. They’re never going to amount to anything, so we need to get them [click here for full story]

Dec 112011

WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. – In a surprise move, Donald Trump has been announced as the moderator for the next Republican presidential debate on December 27 in Iowa. “We don’t know how it happened either,” said Republican National Committee chair, Reince Priebus. “My secretary probably asked me about it and I said, ‘OK, whatever.’ We’ve had so many of these damn debates I’ve just lost interest.” The debate will be sponsored by the conservative magazine [click here for full story]

Dec 102011

HOLLYWOOD, Calif. – In her new biography, Life Is Not a Stage, Florence Henderson reveals that a one-night stand with former New York mayor John Lindsay resulted in a case of crabs. “I was married at the time, but be was a truly handsome and charming man,” Henderson said of Lindsay. “And he had all the moves. He got us a suite at the Beverly Hills Hotel, had ice buckets filled with bottles of Dom [click here for full story]

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