Nov 192012
Man ponders future with Romney sitting on his face

MICHIGAN CITY, Ind. – A local man who got a Mitt Romney logo tattooed on his face claims he “is fine with it” even though Romney lost the election. The man, 30-year-old professional wrestler Eric Hartsburg, says he wants his tattoo to send a message to young people. “I want young people to know that it’s OK to be young, and it’s OK to be a Republican. You don’t have to be rich or elderly [click here for full story]

Nov 052012
Romney sticks it to the man—by sticking it to his woman

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A coalition of unions and nonprofit groups are charging that Mitt Romney violated the Ethics in Government Act in 2009 by burying an investment in his wife’s name. The investment in Singer Associates LP used Troubled Asset Relief Program (TARP) funds in part to ship at least 25,000 jobs overseas and short-change pensioners. “Well, duh,” Mr. Romney replied. “That TARP money was just sitting there, begging me to take it. I’m not [click here for full story]

Nov 012012
Paul Ryan phones the bishop, rubs one out

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Vice presidential candidate Paul Ryan has found himself in hot water with the Catholic Church. Ryan authored the current U.S. House budget proposal, and in an interview with the Christian Broadcasting Network’s David Brody, he said his budget was crafted using his Catholic faith as inspiration. “And I threw in some good stuff about stoning prostitutes to death,” Ryan added. “You should totally check it out.” The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops [click here for full story]

Oct 302012
Sandy slams East Coast, Romney vows to put hurricanes “on notice”

PARK CITY, Utah – As Hurricane Sandy made landfall along the Eastern Seaboard late yesterday, Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney issued a warning to meteorological phenomena. “This assault on America will not be tolerated when I am president,” Romney told supporters at a rally in Utah. “As commander in chief I will instruct our military forces around the globe to have strong words for weather events that threaten this great nation.” Romney insiders say they [click here for full story]

Oct 262012

CHICAGO, Ill. – United States Court of Appeals Judge Richard Posner, a conservative stalwart, says he has become disillusioned with the GOP over the last 10 years. “I’ve become less conservative since the Republican Party started becoming goofy,” he said in an NPR interview. “One Michele Bachmann I could handle. I could handle one Herman Cain, one Rick Santorum, and even one Sarah Palin. I think I could also handle one Newt Gingrich. That’s really [click here for full story]

Oct 242012

PARK CITY, Utah – Since naming Paul Ryan as his running mate, Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney has been trying to show Americans that he and Ryan have identical beliefs. Many in the media have been quick to point out their limited success in doing so, as both men continue to retract and revise their stances on issues. One issue in particular that has been causing some trouble for the candidates is abortion. Ryan has [click here for full story]

Oct 182012
Romney goes viral, learns what the Internet is

  NASSAU COUNTY, N.Y. – The blogosphere was treated to another explosion of commentary, disdain and disbelief after Mitt Romney’s now-famous “binders full of women” comment from Tuesday night’s debate. Before the debate was even over, his comment had spawned two Twitter handles and a Facebook page that had over 250,000 “likes” in just 12 hours. Perhaps the most significant cyberspace manifestation of Romney’s remark is the website, “That domain name was snapped up [click here for full story]

Oct 162012
Paul Ryan cleans up — sort of

YOUNGSTOWN, Ohio – Republican vice presidential candidate Paul Ryan showed his community concern on Saturday by helping out in a soup kitchen. As photos of him hard at work cleaning dishes quickly made their way around the country, those close to the situation pointed out that the meal had already been served before Ryan got there, and the dishes he was “washing” had already been cleaned. “He did nothing,” said Brian J. Antag, president of [click here for full story]

Oct 112012
Romney demonstrates knowledge of Europe's debt crisis—by creating it

PARK CITY, Utah – In an attempt to show his deep understanding of Europe’s financial woes, Mitt Romney’s campaign has released a story about his time with Bain Capital. At Romney’s direction, Bain bought an Italian telephone-directory company, sold it at the height of the Internet bubble for 25 times what it had been worth, then used offshore subsidiary companies to shuttle the profits through Luxembourg to avoid paying taxes in Italy. “You can see [click here for full story]

Oct 092012

COLUMBUS, Ohio – Mayoral candidate Sandra Foster has run a television ad that slights the policies and integrity of her opponent, incumbent Michael Coleman. “It’s time to get tough,” Foster said. “I want voters to be asking themselves, ‘Who is Michael Coleman really? Is he the founder of the Capital Kids network of after-school programs dedicated to improving the quality of life for children in the Columbus area, or is he an America-hating Arab or [click here for full story]

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